Hoarding Examples (英語例文等集積所)

いわゆる「学校英語」が、「生きた英語」の中に現れている実例を、淡々とクリップするよ

inかduringか……Chat GPTに英文校正してもらったよ(カマル・アドワン病院の院長先生の解放を求めて、私にもできること)

↑↑↑ここ↑↑↑に表示されているハッシュタグ状の項目(カテゴリー名)をクリック/タップすると、その文法項目についての過去記事が一覧できます。

【おことわり】当ブログはAmazon.co.jpのアソシエイト・プログラムに参加しています。筆者が参照している参考書・辞書を例示する際、また記事の関連書籍などをご紹介する際、Amazon.co.jpのリンクを利用しています。

前回のブログで取り上げた、ガザ地区北部で唯一(部分的にでも)機能していた病院、カマル・アドワン病院が完全に破壊され、病院長をはじめ医療スタッフがイスラエルに逮捕され拘束されている件で、前回のブログで紹介した署名のほか、さらなるアクションを取ることができるということを、Twitter/Xで @AsadoriQさんによって教えられた

つまり、英語で意見をまとめて、イスラエルのジェノサイドを全面的に支持しているEUの要人や、EU加盟国外相にメールで送信するという手がある、ということだ。

メールなので、同一のテンプレ文をみんなで送信するというよりは、ここに文面を考えて書きたいという方も多いだろうし、文面例はいくらあってもいいだろう。

というわけで、私も書いてGoogle Docsにアップした。アクションの参考にしていただければと思う。

Dear 相手の肩書きと名前
https://action.eko.org/a/eu-israel-impact-hub1?akid=141654.22729136.c-OeA7&rd=1&source=fwd&t=2 の一覧の「名前 - 肩書き」を参考に】

I am writing to strongly urge that you immediately intervene to secure the release of Dr Hussam Abu Safiyah, who has been unlawfully arrested and detained by the Israel Defense Forces. 

Dr Safiyah is a respected Palestinian medical doctor and the director of Kamal Adwan Hospital, which was completely destroyed after being set on fire by the Israeli army at the end of the year 2024. The now wrecked hospital was the last functioning one in the northern part of the Gaza Strip, where the Israelis have been carrying out the so-called General's Plan, aimed at wiping out the Palestinian population in Northern Gaza. 

After being besieged for months, the people who remained at the hospital, including medical staff, patients and civilians in the area, were forcibly removed, humiliated and degraded, with some illegally detained by the army. This alone would constitute a war crime in a normal world, let alone shelling a hospital and killing medical doctors, nurses and first responders. 

Dr Hussam Abu Safiyah is among those who were abducted on 27 December 2024 after the Israeli forces stormed the hospital. According to several news sources including CNN, the docter and other medics from Kamal Adwan Hospital are being held at Sde Teiman military detention center. This is extremely alarming, as it is notorious for the worst kinds of human rights violations such as torture, sexual abuse and rape. Dozens of the Palestinian detainees have already been killed there during the current Israeli war on Gaza. 

We hereby call on you to demand that Israel immediately release Dr Hussam Abu Safiyah and other innocent medical personnel from Kamal Adwan Hospital. Regrettably, so far we have seen very little from your side to stop this textbook-case genocide. Instead, we have been witnessing the international rule of law being dismantled by the very ones who established it after World War II. It is well beyond time for you to change course and begin applying sanctions to the country—politically, economically, and militarily.

Yours sincerely,
お名前 【例えば John Doe

以下、この文面作成時に英文校正ツールとしてChat GPTを使ったので、そのことについてのメモ。

Chat GPTのOpen AIはイスラエル支持という点で非常に問題のある企業だが、実際に英文校正の内容面であてになるところがここしか思いつかなかったということで今回使用した、ということを最初にお断りしておく。そのことで不快になる方がいらしたら、この先には進まず、閲覧を停止してくださってかまわない。「ついでだからブログに書いちゃれ」と考えたときに、「AIによる英文校正」の実例を示すにはやはりポピュラーなChat GPTがよかろうという要素もあった。

まず書き出しのセクション。私が書いた元の文はこんな感じである。ざーっと書いて、あとから修飾語(副詞とか副詞句とか)を挿入する感じで書いている。

なお、Chat GPTに投げる際に、固有名詞はすべて改変してある。

Is this English correct? 

I am writing to urge strongly that you immediately intervene to secure the release of Dr John Doe, who has been unlawfully arrested and detained by the army.  

Dr Doe is a respected American medical doctor and the director of KA Hospital, which was completely destroyed after being set on fire by the Israeli army at the end of the year 2024. The now wrecked hospital was the last functioning one in the northern part of the country, where the army have been carrying out the so-called G Plan that is aimed to wipe out the  population in the area.  
ChatGPT:
ChatGPT
Your English is clear, but there are a few small adjustments to improve readability, precision, and grammatical accuracy. Here's an edited version of your text:

というわけで「だいたいいいんじゃね」ということながら、いくつか修正したほうがいいところが示された。語順と単語の選択と、米語化のおすすめである。EUとその加盟国宛てなので(あと、英国政府にも別途送信するつもりである)、米語にする必要もないだろう(最初っから米語で書く人は米語でいいと思う)。

'I am writing to strongly urge that you immediately intervene to secure the release of Dr. John Doe, who has been unlawfully arrested and detained by the army.

Dr. Doe is a respected American medical doctor and the director of KA Hospital, which was completely destroyed after being set on fire by the Israeli army at the end of 2024. The now-damaged hospital was the last functioning one in the northern part of the country, where the army has been carrying out the so-called 'G Plan,' aimed at wiping out the population in the area.'

Key Changes:
'Urge strongly' → 'strongly urge': This is a more natural word order in English.
'Dr John Doe' → 'Dr. John Doe': Added the period after 'Dr.' to match standard American English formatting (if you prefer British English, it could be 'Dr John Doe' without the period).
'wrecked' → 'damaged': 'Wrecked' is fine but 'damaged' may sound more formal and precise in this context.
'the army have been carrying out' → 'the army has been carrying out': Since 'army' is singular, you need 'has' instead of 'have.'
'the G Plan that is aimed to wipe out' → 'the G Plan, aimed at wiping out': Slight change to improve clarity and flow. 'Aimed at wiping out' is a more typical phrase structure.

armyが単数扱いか複数扱いかというのは英米差である(イギリス英語では複数扱い。ただ、これは徐々にグローバル化されつつあって、アメリカ英語が標準になってきてはいる。)。wreckedかdamagedかというのは悩むところだが、元イキにすることにした。damagedでは、屋根に穴があいたとか、扉が吹き飛ばされたとかいった程度のようにも聞こえるからだ。確かに、wreckedってフォーマルな文書では使わないかな、と思ってはいたのだが、そこまでのフォーマリティを求められている文面でもない(ビジネスメールや外交文書の類ではなく、一般人からの投書なわけで)。

 

次のセクション。

Is this English clear enough? 

After being besieged for months, the people who remained at the hospital, including medical staff, patients and civilians in the area, were removed by force, humiliated and degraded, with some illegally detained by the army. This alone basically would constitute a war crime in a normal world, let alone shelling a hospital and killing medical doctors, nurses and first responders. 


Dr John Doe is among those who were abducted on 27 December 2024 after the forces stormed the hospital. According to several news sources including CNN, the docter and other medics from KA Hospital are being held at the military detention center. This is extremely alarming, for it is notorious for the worst kind of human rights violations such as torture, sexual abuse and rape. Dozens of the detainees have already been killed there in this current war on the area. 
ChatGPT:
ChatGPT
Your English is mostly clear, but there are a few areas where improvements could help with precision and flow. Here is an edited version with suggested changes:

これもまた「ほぼ大丈夫じゃね」ということながら、いくつか修正が入った。Basicallyには自分でも笑った。

'After being besieged for months, the people who remained at the hospital—including medical staff, patients, and civilians in the area—were forcibly removed, humiliated, and degraded, with some illegally detained by the army. This alone would constitute a war crime in any normal world, let alone the shelling of a hospital and the killing of medical doctors, nurses, and first responders.

Dr. John Doe is among those who were abducted on December 27, 2024, after the forces stormed the hospital. According to several news sources, including CNN, the doctor and other medics from KA Hospital are being held at the military detention center. This is extremely alarming, as it is notorious for the worst kinds of human rights violations, including torture, sexual abuse, and rape. Dozens of detainees have already been killed there during the current war in the area.'

Key Changes:
'Removed by force' → 'forcibly removed': This is a more formal and natural phrasing.
'The docter' → 'the doctor': Corrected the spelling error in 'doctor.'
'This alone basically would constitute' → 'This alone would constitute': Removed 'basically' for clarity. It's implied in the context.
'for it is notorious for' → 'as it is notorious for': 'As' is more appropriate in this sentence structure.
'the worst kind of' → 'the worst kinds of': 'Kinds' is more appropriate here, as you're listing multiple violations.
'Dozens of the detainees have already been killed there in this current war on the area' → 'Dozens of detainees have already been killed there during the current war in the area': Simplified the sentence for clarity and flow. 'During the current war' is more natural than 'in this current war on the area.'
These changes improve clarity and ensure the phrasing flows more smoothly while keeping the meaning intact. Let me know if you'd like further revisions!

単複は「あー、やってもうた」っていう感じなんだけど、forとasの違いとか、in the warとduring the warの違いは、言われれば「なるほど」なんだけど、言われないとわからんです。で、私は書くときにこういうことを大変に気にして、いちいち文例検索などをして書いていたわけですが、こうやって一気に校正してもらえるんなら、ざっくり文意をなす英文を、細かいところにこだわらずに書いて、あとは投げちゃえばいい。こういう効率化が実現したのは素晴らしいことだと思います。もう20年くらい前からの既存のツール(文法チェッカー)もあったんだけど、わりとどうでもいいところ(「米語になってない」とか)しか指摘してくれないんだよね、あれ。

 

最後のセクション。

Is this English correct? 
We hereby call on you to demand that Israel immediately release John, and other innocent medical personnel from the hospital. Regrettably, so far we have seen very little from your side for this textbook-case genocide to stop. Instead, we have been witnessing the international rule of law being wrecked by the ones who built it after World War II. It is well beyond time for you to change course and start applying sanctions to the country, politically, economically and militarily. 
ChatGPT:
ChatGPT
Your English is generally clear, but there are a few areas where the phrasing could be made more polished or precise. Here's a revised version with some suggestions for improvement:

まあ要するに「ちょっとぎこちないところもあるかな」と言われてるわけですが。

Your English is generally clear, but there are a few areas where the phrasing could be made more polished or precise. Here's a revised version with some suggestions for improvement:

'We hereby call on you to demand that Israel immediately release John and other innocent medical personnel from the hospital. Regrettably, so far we have seen very little from your side to stop this textbook-case genocide. Instead, we have been witnessing the international rule of law being dismantled by the very ones who established it after World War II. It is well beyond time for you to change course and begin applying sanctions to the country—politically, economically, and militarily.'

Key changes:
'Demand that Israel immediately release John, and other innocent medical personnel...' → I removed the comma before 'and' because it isn't needed.
'for this textbook-case genocide to stop' → I changed this to 'to stop this textbook-case genocide' for smoother flow.
'wrecked' → I used 'dismantled' for a slightly more formal tone. 'Wrecked' works, but 'dismantled' fits better in this context.
'the ones who built it' → I changed this to 'the very ones who established it' for more precision and clarity.
Let me know if you'd like any further adjustments!

このwreckedはそうですね、dismantledのほうが全然いい。builtかestablishedかもそう。ありがとう、Chat GPTと、それが依拠している膨大な言語データベースの生みの親である無数の人々。

 

というわけで、自分の恥もさらしつつ、Chat GPTの英文校正の実例ということで、実際に作業したものをメモっておきました。

なお、自分の英文のベースになっているのは、大学受験のときの膨大な暗記です。自分の頭の中に英文データベースがあるわけです。例えば「planをcarry outする」といった語句のつながり(コロケーション)の知識は、典型的な(そして批判される)「受験勉強」が根にある。語学学習に関しては、何事も無駄にはなりません。

 

今回はこんなところで。有料部分はありません(書いてる時間がない)。みなさんそうだと思いますが、私も今日は元日なんです……。

 

 

 

 

 

当ブログはAmazon.co.jpのアソシエイト・プログラムに参加しています。筆者が参照している参考書・辞書を例示する際、また記事の関連書籍などをご紹介する際、Amazon.co.jpのリンクを利用しています。